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Category Archive: General Nonsense

I’m building a studio

July 24, 2017

I’m building a studio. I’m 41years old (today) and I’m building a studio. In a strange twist of fate I’ve been offered the opportunity to do some of the creative things I like to do for money. It’s a slim opportunity but it’s still an opportunity. Also, I know that if I don’t pro-actively start to do the things I want to do they won’t ever happen.

We don’t have much space in our flat, certainly not enough space for much of the photography I want to try. Balancing lights on top of mountainous toy boxes and arranging props around ironing and houseplants is not working. It’s as frustrating for everyone else as it is for me, but we have an attic, a very big, mostly unused attic so I’m going to build a studio in it. I’ve spent a lot of my life being reminded that I’m not very good at things, certainly not good at any traditionally ‘male’ things, like building or DIY. I’ve generally accepted this as the truth and dutifully stepped aside to the let others do the ‘manly’ stuff with the power tools and the alpha maleness to prove. It’s only in the last couple of years I’ve started to question this and generally, I’m ok at things.

I’m not going to go overboard, I’m just going to put down a floor initially, and if I don’t destroy this reality entirely in the process I’ll maybe move onto some nice additions. I don’t want this to become a distraction from the purpose (a space for creative output). I don’t really know what I’m doing but I know which end of a drill to hold and I know where the hardware store is.

I have no idea if this will take a weekend or a year. I’ll start and see how it goes. I’ve ordered the basic components to arrive by the end of the week and on Saturday (courage allowing), I’ll start building.

My name is Robert, I’m 41 years old and I’m building a studio. It may fail awfully but then, it might not.

Political Correctness and Health and Safety

April 5, 2015

Happy Easter! When did buying easter presents become a thing? I’ve not got a problem with it but I never expect it and don’t buy them for other people so end up feeling incredibly guilty and apologising all over the place.

Anyway, there’s a new T-shirt up at More T Vicar. “Political Correctness – unrelated to Health and Safety, regardless of what the Daily Mail tells you“. I’ve started about six more designs but have not had any spare time to finish them (work has been incredibly busy).

I was going to start working more on some robot and animal designs but I keep getting exposed unpleasant levels of general bigotry and nastiness on Facebook (apparently Enoch Powell was right, a scary thought) which has inspired some more of the social commentary type stuff which I’ll put together if time allows. I need to draw a Police helmet and I keep getting carried away with the details (which it really doesn’t need).

In an effort to take the whole creative thing seriously I’ve set up a Facebook page (because no-one was able to do art before Facebook existed). In reality it’s nice to be able to actually get some feedback on stuff I’ve done and it makes me feel a lot more positive about it all. Please follow it if you like any of what I do, I’m unlikely to be filling your timeline with bibble because I just don’t have the time at the moment.


Take care!


Monsters in the cupboard

January 27, 2015

Paul has badgered* I set up a blogger blog to track my miniature painting and scenery building. So I have…
Monsters in the cupboard

* gently suggested

Can you blu tack a gopro to the ceiling

January 16, 2015

Yes, yes you can!



You can also stick one in the fridge

I am officially an awesome hardcore extreme gopro user.

The Festive Season of Entitlement and Cajoling

December 9, 2014

It’s the season of goodwill, kindness and giving. Unless you work in retail or the service industry or happen get in the way in which case fuck you it’s the season of aggressive self-interest.

I worked in retail once, for about three hours, after which I was ‘let go’ and advised that I probably shouldn’t attempt to work in retail again as I didn’t have the requisite social skills. I’m not going to disagree with this advice, my ongoing relationship with not working in retail is working out just fine for both of us. I do however really feel for those who do have the requisite social skills and have to deal with selling things to the great British public over the holiday season. The workload and shitty hours suck but that’s just the stale biscuit base onto which the mouldering cheesecake is built. The closer the Christmas countdown comes to the big day the more some people start to transform into screeching, selfish, entitled pricks with no sense of scale. I’m not sure what the exact date is because my copy of the cunts calendar never turned up, but there’s a date after which it becomes socially acceptable to treat shop staff like the dregs of society you always assumed they were. It’s clearly the assistant’s fault that you didn’t plan your shopping early. It’s also their fault there’s a queue. It’s their fault you have no idea what to buy for your nephew and it’s their fault you are acting like a colossal arse. None of these things could possibly be your fault.

It’s not just shop staff who make your life miserable. Designers and techies try our best to make you cry as well.

It happens every year, yet I always seem to forget about it until the next time round when it leaps out on me like an angry stress weasel robed in the hate-farts of a thousand marketing managers. Everything’s cool. Everything is under control. We’re winding down for Christmas, making plans to see friends and family, then starting as a slow trickle, building up to a flood they attack, the bad-planning zombies. Like an episode of the Walking Dead, but duller and more confusing. They rise up from nowhere, the marketing managers in need of urgent sign-off. They have somehow forgotten that Christmas happens. I accept it’s only recently it’s become a bit of a thing, but they seem aware of Black Friday and I’m sure that only started happening here THIS YEAR. They need to get their campaigns for the new year signed off before they can disappear wherever it is these people disappear off to over Christmas, so a sudden flurry of frantic phone calls and garbled confusing emails expecting quotes and timelines to be delivered RIGHT NOW. No time to get a brief together, no time to discuss exactly what’s required just give them the numbers so they can get the client to scrawl an agreement and they can stagger off to the office Christmas party to inhale free booze and bitch about that time Derek from accounts accidentally flashed his winky at the MD of Seiko.

Fine, whatever here’s some rough numbers, go to your parties, have fun. Eh? No, you can’t agree that as a final cost with your client, you’ve not actually told us what you need because you “don’t have time”. When do you need it? When in January? The first of January? Really? You didn’t think I might like to take some time off over the festive period myself? Oh, veiled threats. That’s nice. What’s that? I’m in tech so probably don’t have friends or family to spend time with anyway? Nice. My time’s not really that important compared to yours? Oh, ok then.

A real life conversation this week. One of many similar. A request for a piece of tech came in during the second week of December, launch date already agreed with the end client – first week of January, cost already agreed with end client – far lower that actual value. Having politely suggested that maybe making these agreements before discussing the feasibility might not have been the most tip-top planning the response was “you’ve got five weeks, surely that’s enough”, further suggestion that we may already have other things to do, and oh, there’s also Christmas which we were planning to take off just sent things down the dark path. Let’s not stray too far down that path, it brings the screaming and the crying and the desire to move into a forest away from technology and anyone who has ever had anything to do with branding.

Here it comes, can you sense it? I can always sense it before it arrives. Best way to deal with it is just relax and accept it’s going to happen. It shouldn’t, but it does. The suggestion, the attempt to shift the burden, the idea that the responsibility should change hands and in turn we should change our plans. Could we not, just you know, work through. Not on Christmas day obviously but the other days we can’t possibly have anything of value to do, because, you know it’s down to us to fix it when someone else screws their planning so badly they would otherwise have to put their hand up and take some responsibility. Dear Sirs, I appear to have ceased to give any flavour of fuck about this opportunity. I am off to find someone with a sense of empathy to talk to.

I sympathise, I really do. I’ve been there, a pushy client wants a thing, you don’t really understand what the thing is and the best way to get a thing is to point at the nearest person and make it their problem now. But then I stopped being 12. I have a four year old son, all he wants for Christmas (aside from a massive pile of toys) is for me to take some time off to spend with him and his mum, if you seriously think your campaign is going to prevent that you should take a good long stare at your empty soul.

I know. I know. I really know this is getting out of hand. I know the obsession with manners and treating people acceptably is going to get me into trouble. I also know I’ve pissed off clients, some to the extent they are no longer clients. I care because I don’t want my family to have to live in a skip on the A4 and I’m slowly dragging us there, but you, YOU can help stop this and I really want you to, I don’t want my child growing up in a skip with rats for friends (no offence to rats or people who live in skips). Help me with my Christmas wish.

Please don’t take offence, but for Christmas what I’d really like is for people to stop being selfish, finger pointing entitled pricks. It takes a bit of practice but we can all get there, here’s some handy tips.

1. Look up ‘empathy’ and understand it. Here you go, I looked it up for you: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy you’ll need to do the understanding yourself. In short, remember that other people are actually people, real actual humans with real feelings and everything.

2. Find yourself berating a shop assistant, designer, developer, postal worker, or ANYONE ELSE over a situation caused by your own bad planning? Stop! See point 1.

3. Find yourself berating a clerical worker, hairstylist, fishmonger, or ANYONE ELSE over a situation that was out of both of your control? Stop! See point 1.

4. Trying to shift the blame onto someone else for a situation you caused? Stop! Take some damn responsibility, also, see point 1.

5. Attempting to co-erce a builder, web-designer, piano tutor, or ANYONE ELSE into giving up on their time to fix problems you have caused? Stop! See point 1.

In general try to obey the tenets of Wheaton’s Law. It’s best all round.

Think you may have been a bit of a dick to someone lately? Why not try and balance that out a bit, do something positive:

Be excellent to each other!


April 24, 2014

Here is a gif of me smacking myself in the head with a hammer while wearing a metal helmet that my good friend Phil made…

To dream of a coat stand

February 17, 2014

I cannot sleep because I need a coat stand. Indirectly.

I can not find a coat stand I like and can afford. A normal person would just buy a fucking coat stand and not think about it.

So I spent an hour looking for a coat stand, rather than just purchasing the first one I found for a tenner on ebay.

I found nothing to make me happy. So I designed one. In my head.

Then I spent an hour working out where I could source the materials from.

Then I had a bit of a think about the fact I’m not very good with my hands.

Then finally I thought about how little spare time I have in which to build a fucking coat stand. This was upsetting because the one in my head is really nice and it would be a shame for it to not exist, and frankly I really want to build something. But by taking time out to learn how to and then build a coat stand I will be letting people down.

I should probably just buy a coat stand on ebay for a tenner.

The source of my insomnia is a coat stand. I am not normal.

Welcome to Slough… …now go away.

August 9, 2013

Look what I found round the back of the bins (or their digital equivalent). I take no credit for this, it was made by a friend who will remain nameless for now. These are real quotes from a facebook group. Not a far-right facebook group, just a normal facebook group the purpose of which is nostalgia about a local community. There’s also a version with people’s full names on but since I live near them and they are clearly unbalanced I’m too much of a coward right now to include them.


Look! A downloadable version you could if you so desired print out and put up somewhere.

Herby Explosion

June 19, 2013

2013-06-19 18.27.29

We actually remembered to harvest some of the edible stuff from the garden. We did pick some herbs last year and froze them but it was at the end of the season and they had mostly died down already. We’ve already left it a bit late this year as the herb garden looks like an explosion and much of it is probably far too mature but hopefully now I’ve hacked it back we’ll get some new growth.

Rather than freezing them this year we’re going to try and dry them. Vaguely following instructions from Grown your own month by month I’ve given them a good wash and left them hanging over the sink to drain a bit before moving them somewhere dry to dry out properly. They are probably tied a little too tightly at the moment but just want to get enough water off them that they don’t drip all over the floor.

The plan is to pick up some large pickling jars to store the results in once they’ve dried out. If nothing else the kitchen smells good and my hands are lovely and minty.

We’ve also picked our second crop of forced rhubarb, mum got us a Rhubarb forcer for Christmas which is working amazingly.

Divorama Drama

May 22, 2013

Once more I am grateful to the NHS in general and the staff at Wexham Park in particular. In a moment of terrifyingly bad parenting, following a long day I decided to have a quick blink at which moment Alexander opted to dive backwards off our garden bench onto the concrete floor. I’m not sure if it was hitting the floor or my sudden scream of “FUCKING HELL” which caused the most distress but we had to drive to A&E.

Everyone was lovely and spent the entire time repeatedly telling us that (a) we had done the right thing by bringing Alexander in, we were not wasting their time; and (b) it happens a lot, really a lot. I still feel intensely guilty for allowing momentary distraction but slightly better. Given he’s spent the evening breakdancing and demanding food I’m hoping all will be fine by the morning.

The biggest upset of the whole event was trying to leave the hospital as Alexander had grown very attached to the toy train in the waiting room and screamed “back back back” all the way to the door where he became instantly distracted by the ambulances and police cars outside.

Lessons learned today: Don’t blink EVER and if you want to get through A&E quickly try being a two year old. On a serious note, we are incredibly lucky to be living in a country with a health service and it should be protected at all costs.

Here’s a handy link to a campaign to save the NHS from the Tory shitbags.

I made some more stupid videos. Here are a couple from this week:

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I am Bob. This is my blog. It is an outlet and a substitute for real life. It contains my art, photography, illustration and thoughts on mental health (I deal with anxiety on a pretty much constant basis).

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